Ever since I can remember I’ve been a nervous and anxious person. Throughout my 32 years of life it’s always been a work in progress for me. I’ve sought professional help and gone to seminars. I read all the books, meditate, journal, go to yoga, and I even carry crystals around in my pockets hoping it will assist me with setting my anxiety at bay. But even with those tools to ward off my anxiety I am still in a constant battle with the committee inside my head (you know that nagging voice that questions your every move?). If you have no idea what I am talking about – consider yourself lucky!
I knew that as much as I WANTED to quit my job, sell off 80% of my belongings, leave San Diego and travel the world – it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park for me. Then, we collectively decided that instead of starting off our trip backpacking we were going to convert our truck into a camper and DRIVE down into Mexico and Central America. Yikes!! You can use your imagination on what the committee inside my head had to say about that! To top it off, since we’ve began sharing our plans with friends, families and strangers – everyone has been sharing their opinions with us (whether we asked for it or not). For the most part people hear our plans and their eye’s light up with joy! They tell us what we are doing is amazing and often they express their own jealously or envy, wishing they could do the same (I’ll leave this topic for another blog post). But then there is the 20% that expresses fear or have some horror story to share. It’s not their fault, how could they know that they were talking to someone who was a worry wart just like them. I would just laugh and brush off their worry with a smile and some comment about how we have good heads on our shoulders and would never willingly put ourselves in harm’s way. I would tell them that there is more good in the world than evil, but in our society, we just focus on the negative (thanks to the media). All of that is the honest truth, but once I was off my soap box I would find myself wishing it were that easy to brush aside my own worry.
Since the beginning of 2017, when our plan really started to take fruition, there have been some high’s and low’s. Not only between Kevin and I, but also with myself and other relationships I hold close to me. I would ask myself questions like; Would we have enough money? How could I leave my coworkers who I truly care about high and dry? What if I am making a huge mistake? What if something horrible happens? Is it responsible for me to be “leaving it all behind” when I’m 32 years old? Can I really take on the nomad lifestyle? No Phish show’s for how long? When this is all done, where will we end up? Why would I want to leave San Diego? The list goes on and on, but I’m sure you catch my drift. As I’m sure you can imagine, that made living with me hard to handle at times. But even with all that doubt circling around in my head, I came to the realization that life is going to be waiting for me when I get back, and ultimately, I’m still just a plane ride away from the people I love. I found that for every one of those doubtful questions I had – I had the opposite feeling inside. I felt empowered, excited, happy, wondrous, amazing, thrilled, and ready to take on the world!
With all that being said, I learned pretty early on in life that if I wanted to experience the world and what it had to offer outside of my ever-growing hometown of Derry, New Hampshire – I could never let fear hold me back from living my life. As I reflect on the past, I can’t help but laugh at certain transitions in my life where, in the beginning, the fear was almost crippling, but in the end, everything worked out swimmingly. In fact, in most instances they worked out better than I could have even imaged. In the end, Fear (and worry for that matter) is just something that we are putting out into the Universe that we DON’T WANT to happen. So I accept that challenge every single day – to not give Fear that much power. If I did I’d most likely still be living in New England working the same job and living the same life. Not to say that is a bad thing if that is the path you choose – it just wasn’t for me.
There is also something to be said for being blessed with a partner in life who doesn’t experience any of these negative feelings! While at times it can be frustrating because he has no way to relate to my feelings, it usually works in our favor. Besides, could you imagine if Kevin we’re like me… this certainly would never work! Kevin is a perfect example of someone not letting fear run his life, which at times has lead to some uncomfortable situations for me, but ultimately has helped me to burst through my own barriers of fear. It hasn’t always been easy for us and there have certainly been times in our relationship when I needed a little nudge from Kevin, and maybe even at times a giant push (i.e. I would have stayed in San Diego until Christmas if I had it my way). In the end the struggle has allowed us to create new possibilities for our lives and our relationship.
So, to the 80% of people who are stoked we are doing this – keep sending those thoughts out our way and into the Universe. And the 20% of the people who are worried for us – please just turn that worry into a smile and send nothing but love, light and positive vibes our way. (Yes, that even means you Mom!)
There is so much beauty and kindness to see in this world and I never want to deprive myself the joy of the experience. Going into this adventure I knew it was going to be a challenge, but I’m willing to face it head on and just JUMP. See the thing is, Kevin and I are now truly FREE. Free from our jobs, free from all our bills, free from rent, free from most of our belongings, and truly able to do whatever the hell we want to do! If for whatever reason the path we are currently on isn’t serving us, either individually or collectively, then we will just come up with a plan B, C or D. It’s really that simple. Now is a time for us to slow down and enjoy life and so far, that transition has been the easiest of all!
All my love,